Roger Clemenspalooza '07: 300-pound Drunk Guy Who Fell On Woman At Shea Stadium

Due to the magnanimity of the Roger Clemens signing, the BBBC task force is asking sports celebrities to give their thoughts on Clemens coming back to the Yankees. Today's Roger Clemenspalooza '07 guest is the 300-pound drunk guy who fell on a woman at Shea Stadium, severely injuring her back.

What? What's a goin' on over here, man? Ohhh I was just taking this wicked piss by the nacho guy and, and I think Delgado was battin' or something. Or maybe it was a mom. I don't really remember...hey what's this about all this Clemens, huh wise guy? I don't have no opinion, I just have sexy. And this burned toast in my pocket. I don't have no ideas why that's there, do yous?

Yeah soooo Clemens think he's so cool and stuff, right? He walkin' around with his pants on like he's the king of the...the...um, king of the, eh fuck you I don't gotta owe you nothin'. I falls where I falls lady, I like my sausages and if you don't wanna fuck me than I got no use for ya, ya here? Yeah that's right, you ain't no tricycle. Fuck those Indians stealin' my jelly.

Yankees suck worse than uh...than that guy out there in those movies, he's the, white one, eh think his names starts with a.....letter. Fuck you, gimme those milk duds, I-I only had nineteen and three. Leave me alone, Jimmy, you gots no bidness butting around here with your car and your big words, hey there's a fucking cashew in that soda puddle, lay off asshole. Good.

Yeah so I was sayin how the Yankees suck worse than that...movie with the actor...fuck the Yankees and their grass. Roger can't pitch cuz of his balls cancer that makes his, er..balls like small somethings or other. Lady, moves yer ass from under my ass I gotta get that fucking cashew. Shit, I see cheese spots all over it, now I really needs it lady, get your boobs out of my ass cheeks or I'm gonna call over Jimmy, that fuckface, who.....eh what? I don't remember.

So there you gots what you wanted me to say, crap-face. Now my cashew is cold and the cheese don't look so hot cuz some goombah splashed his brown tobasco sauce all over. Hey, eh, you goddamn lady your nose is in my fat rolls. This means we at war now! Woooh, bring it on, I want some sexin'. Fuck the Yankees, Clemens is just a graham cracker for s'mores, ahhhh yeah, make me some s'mores. Jimmy the ass clown better pass over the Buds or I'm gonna pop him somethin' good, ya here? Yeah yeah, I know, I gotta sleep now anyways. Stop cryin' lady, will ya, you distracting me and my nachos. Thanks.